remake

This humor column by Miles Mathis May 1, 2025 speculates on the future of film, suggesting that with Hollywood’s lack of new ideas, the industry will resort to endless remakes, rehashes, and reboots. The author predicts numerous outlandish and politically-charged reimagining of classic films. Examples include a Sound of Music remake with Ariana Grande as a breakdancing nun, a Rooster Cogburn remake with Lucy Liu and Sean Hayes, and a The Dirty Dozen remake with all-gay or trans black women led by Whoopi Goldberg. Other predicted remakes include John Wick as Joan Wick, Breakfast at Tiffany’s with a MGTOW character, Barbershop with skinny white guys, Dirty Harry as Dirty Harriet, Blade Runner with reversed roles, Star Wars with droids as central characters, Psycho with a female antagonist in Pomona, and Amadeus as “Mediocrity!” promoting underappreciated composers. The author also jokingly states Apocalypse Now and Psycho don’t need remakes, and speculates on Jaws from the sharks’ perspective funded by PETA, and a gender-swapped Deliverance and Thelma and Louise called Delmer and Louis. The article highlights Kevin Bacon’s expression as a fitting metaphor for the author’s feelings about the state of filmmaking.

List of Subjects, Names, References, Locations, Companies, etc.:

ADKO