I Newspeak is Here I woke up in a prison this morning. I was in a room with a comfy bed and a laptop. I had food, internet access, and coffee. Even my girlfriend had been over for some time. The weather was great, and the sunshine through my window kept my room warm most of the day. I slept in and was well rested. I got a few calls from friends today, drank coffee, and watched some videos/podcasts. I meditated, I read, I took a cold bath. It was a good day - I had felt a spark. It was this feeling as if I had some control. As if I could do what I wanted. I tried to hold onto it but it slipped away. I tried saying something about it but I couldn’t make a sound. I wanted to hear myself say something about it - but I’m not sure there as anything to be said. What have you said lately? To who? Who was listening? Who heard? I woke up… 13 II Dot dot dot Dots and dots. i write for the dots. the counters of my success. i write for the dots. i love the dots. go dots. godots… godot. God’s dots. the story is about me. i might rant it out all at once and then say nothing at all forever. to you it’s all funny and you probably heard it all before even the secrets i can only wink at in the writing but you can hear it all again and probably think yeah this guy is crazy fucking glad i met him and i’m fucking glad i met you too you gave me a chance to put it all out pull it out and swing it around sometimes slam it on a table or dive with it into a pool or dance on a table or let you make it pulse and disappear 14 it all happened and continues to happen all the time and for all time i’m a sexual being among other shortcomings and i’m an open book i always was… so I should say sorry if you expected that i wouldn’t tell our story what can i say… i’m happy you weren’t so sure i’d write that you avoided me all together. and i’d be happier if you don’t run away when you recognize our chapter… remember we have been together since the beginning we never get to be apart the laws of this reality are as they are and we continue swirling around through it 15 III puerto boy reflections I’m a puerto boy a puerto vortex boy I’m here to find myself I’m here to upgrade my definitions my ideas and conceptions I’m here to download my future, my vision, my resolutions a puerto boy I’m having fun, i’m chillin, i’m vibin I’m riding ridin the wave taking it slow and always making progress I’m a poor boy My girlfriends got an only fans to pay for our float toys i got a surf board, a body board, a hand board, a skate board, a surfskate board, and a concrete headboard i dont wear undearwear i dont wear undearwear unless i’m going somewhere where i cant show my pubic hair i sky dive, I ride high, I trip deep, and I love sleep i don’t take drugs but i like to party i don’t give hugs i impregnate mamis my mamis got babies riding doggos under palm trees i’m a puerto boy i’m healing i’m feeling and on the full moon i’m gleaming i got my chakras aligned to my star ⭐ signs i know my human design connects my life purpose to my life coaches bank account 16 i got starlink i got starlink to connect my zoom calls for my side hustle I freelance on the inter-webz to design the next generation of crypto my money is digital but my vehicles are manual my moto’s gas reads empty but my karma is full when chicks ask how big are you? i don’t know whether to give my answer in centimeters, feet and inches, fists and slaps, or micrograms and slow puffs either way the answer is not enough you’re gonna have to see it to believe it so put it on your tongue chew it softly without swallowing and let it soak in for another 5-30 minutes then you’ll see i’m disconnected from the mainframe societal con game i’m un vaxxed, un taxed, and sometimes i get my legs waxed i’m unemployed and uninterested i’m incompatible with 9 to 5 i’d rather lay on the beach and stay high i need massages and fruits, i need movement, i play beach volleyball, i swim big waves and i tell tall tales i love adventure, i love risking it all, i love pushing all the boundaries, and making people uncomfortable my yoga teacher is super flexible, but i swear i didn’t stretch her out at all i see patterns everywhere, everything is flowing always changing, sometimes growing i see colors you don’t even know i receive messages even when there’s no cell phone 17 my spirit guides keep the ocean tides within my swimming ability the source feeds the energy i need to maintain my likability and everything i say come with no warranty or liability nothing makes sense nothing makes sense if you can’t sense that the intense incense is incensed by your lack of sense you better stop being so tense or you might have what some would call a bad trip i don’t trip i don’t trip cause i’m already horizontal, frontal and totally naked my friends come to visit me in this puerto prison i can’t escape because i can’t take the feelings of my wakened state to places where people are scared of hate my friends come to visit and i show the my new world my parents came for Christmas and i got them the most original gift of all an appointment with the love dimension yeah that’s all sometimes i eat tacos in centro and have to pooo sometimes i see some wind breezed hair and i think of you anyways… i’m a puerto boy and i got puero friends musicians, shamans, drug dealers, healers, and yoga teachers jujitsu fighters, guys with lighters, surfers, salsa dancers and salsa makers, and salsa takers i got girlfriends, girls that are friends, and girls that are from France i got exes that live in texas, and i got my wife, the grilfriend and the mistress, that’s the puerto way my friends own restaurants, hotels, and those things where people lift barbells 18 i don’t know why sometimes i wonder if this paradise is actually hell 19 IV Falling Out of It well i’ll start with Oaxaca on christmas 2019 about how i puked moctezumas curse caught a ride to do mushrooms in the mountains then found myself in puerto for a festival and a ride the end of the world happened over and over like when cnn said trump killed a guy and there was no internet or cell connection i thought it was all over and for me it was 20 V Weird Lookin’ i was a weird lookin kid I could’ve been 6 or 7 i knew it but i didn’t know why i was standing in the mirror wondering… was it the bags under my sunken eyes or my lack of front teeth all i knew is that there were uglier kids and more symmetrical complete looking kids and beautiful girls. we were kids. maybe babies… we were all goofy if we look back but i was already dreaming of their eyes and wrists and shapes in their faces and bodies shit it’s kinda weird to think about but when i stop to reminisce, my memories have the girls as my age now… or maybe stuck around 25… as i think my own self image is stuck at 25 21 VI Commando i always wanted to be special forces growing up either special forces or a spy… but not 007 more like… beverly hills ninja or what waas that or the man from la mancha i’m still hungry after the green curry i have a croissant i forgot about for 2 days in the microwave 22 VII La Cumbre La Cumbre is a special place. It’s a Hostel built into the side of a mountain. Facing Sunset west. Sunset over the mountains of San Jose del Pacifico. Sunset over the clouds and under them at the same time. Sunset over your trip. Soon you will be in the night part. The dark park. But before that… we should explore this town. A derrumbé town… landslide mushroom town …because the earth slides out from under you. A town built by people literate in the language of landslides. My guide’s name was Guau… pronounced Wow… or mor like… Wauw. Guau was a tour guide and a boxing coach. His green hair boxing student was with us too. Tough little guy. I thought Guau could be 16 and his student maybe 11. I was wrong. I thought the town was pretty. And I assumed it was a lot like other little mountain towns. Also wrong. Guau stepped through the pine needle covered tracks to show me the Mushroom cabin. A cabin in the woods facing the sunrise. The first floor was the stem. The top floor was a mushroom head in the clouds… with little windows breaking the illusion of a roof. The lights were on inside… so the mushroom was glowing. Taha would ask if they have agua caliente? si Si hay agua caliente. So I start Writing. 23 I think it has to do with comfort. A cabin. Hot water. A friend to trip with. Even though the whole point was to step out of the comfort zone. Step as far out of your comfort zone. And do it in style. Comfortable. Cozy. Huggable style. There will be pressure on the trip. Pressure from inside and outside at the same time. The submarine maintains an equilibrium. The shape of the hull is maintained. We go deeper. I admit. I think I know all of this better than you. How the trip is gonna go. And that I’m not about to freak out. Are you? The pressure builds and you can hear it kind of… creaking, and the occasional vibration… like a bell in slow motion. Like if my head had been rung. And I can feel it all the way to my toes. My dear friend is lagging behind. So I have to meet him outside. At the archway. The gates to expansion. Others are waiting too for various reasons. They didn’t do their homework. Or they weren’t ready. You’re either fully ready, or you’re late. Late to be transported. In a vessel of some sort. I thought it was a submarine… could’ve been a spaceship… or a sonic train through a wormhole in spacetime. Headed for a collision. Either way - we all get in. We were born for this. We signed a contract long ago. A shadowy figure brought it to me… who do you remember negotiating with? I think he said… I would get a whole life if I’m willing to face him at the end of it. To “trade it back in” or something like that. What a weird proposal. No discounts, trades, swaps or upgrades for the duration of the ride. And on top of all of that… I was going to have a mission that I wasn’t 24 allowed to remember. What a mess I thought - what kind of operation is this? Who runs this thing? He said I could think about it as long as I want. In eternity. But I didn’t bother. As long as my mission is righteous I’m in. He said it was. He told me and I agreed. Then I forgot it anyway. “Keep your soul and spirit inside your body for the duration of the ride” the sign said as i was taking off. Of course I was going to put my hands up every chance I could. Space - ships don’t come equipped with rear-view mirrors they dip the atmosphere is now ripped
- Andre 3000 (UGK) He has another name on the other side and it’s also not a he or a she… an it maybe the closest we can get in human languages. A concept. Incomprehensible. A kind of line that you cross. A border. Where you have to give up your pulse to pass through. Here we call it Death. I had to meet Death on various occasions throughout my life. Usually I avoided eye contact. When I was young I used to cry. Big tears. Unstoppable. They came with gasps and cries for air. With despair. With begging for comfort. As I got older it became more manageable. I was confused but I was curious. I was tense, sweating from my palms, feeling my heartbeat in my throat. And I was focused. That I might get an answer or a clue. What the fuck is that thing? As I got older we became friendly in a sense… familiar acquaintances you could say. I would invite Death to visit on occasion with a call of risky behavior. My favorite place to meet him was under a heavy wave in the Pacific ocean. Tumbling and getting tubed. Getting 25 banged and dropped. One sunny day the ocean punishing me. It beat me. And at one point he appeared. “Shit. Here we are… Hey!” I would greet him with excitement… veins pumping adrenaline directly into my heart. My eyes burning. He was watching my fight. Silent. I didn’t get much of a reaction. But the one question that he did answer was when I gave up my struggles. When I thought I was in real trouble and I changed my focus from the Ocean to death, and I gave him my full attention He leaned in. I thought it was over. And hovered in front of my face. “is it my time to go?” I asked. “No.” He disappeared. I survived that meeting and many more. In the ocean and in the sky, or moving with too much horizontal velocity on a moto that was slipping out from under me. Sometimes with powerful psychedelics. Sometimes by holding my breath - Iceman-Style. The only question he ever replied to was “is it my time to go?” And only in those endless moments when he had my full attention. There is no way for me to describe how I got any other information. But the No carried a kind of Know. I got a lot of hints about my life in those moments. I think of them as tips, little bits about my mission. A mission I can’t fully remember. Well you can imagine at some point my curiosity became obsession. Is it my time to go? No. No. No. Stop Asking. And I had to pass through that stage. I’m here. I’m living. Breathing. Life. Conscious. Exactly how it’s supposed to be. Don’t get confused. I got on the spaceship and I remembered. I’m supposed to be here. I got off the spaceship, still living, and I remembered why I came to this life. In short it has to do with the flow of energy. Maintain and open and receptive posture, in body, mind, and attitude. Maintain an open heart. There is a move we are going to make. From point A to B and back again. Over and over again. Many times. It’s not a waste. It’s not for nothing and nothing gets lost. Stay focused and stay close. You will start to hear it. A to B to A to B. There is a quality to the 26 movement. Speed, distance, efficiency. You will start to hear it. The energy comes and goes. The big electron. The cosmic megaphone. The voice of God. Ohmmm. The pattern reveals a shape and a shape is like a boundary. A line between what is and what isn’t. In quantum space that line is imaginary… it’s a line of probable possibilities, or real and living impossibilities. You know? I’ll tell you about my purpose, my mission, my visions and resolutions. I’ll share everything from my star signs to my DNA. Maybe it will say something about how we’re similar or different - at least I’m here and you’re over there. Or is it the other way around? 27 VIII CONSULTING SKOOL Sharing with you a little note on freedom… I feel I have to express but in an indirect way… otherwise I start sounding like a preachy lunatic. I hope you already know how vast the sea of consciousness is… and how deep in the wilderness Truth remains King… Everything we see is just an illusion… And all these cliches have already been repeated… by losers. It’s a guarantee that AI could write a better note than this, and probably write you a book about escaping the Matrix. I wonder why doesn’t anyone ask? It seems we are comfortably broken into atom-sized pieces… packed into a skin suit… destined to march in circles around the things that cause our suffering. Asking… did God do this? TO ME? With me? Through me? Me You did all this. And you’ll never be free. Until your embrace Feer and transform it. Fear? Feer. Feel. Phil… Fill… zero. 0. nothing. free. they say… false evidence appearing real. That’s why knowing… what is real. What is real? Nothing is real. 28 It’s crazy… but you never find it. People look for certainty… and that’s not real. They might say Death… but they can never meet it. The moment is also fleeting… the attention wandering… the body crumbling… There’s no time, they say… to figure it all out. Why waste your time on a fruitless pursuit? The dream is real. Not even the dreamer. There is no waking up. There is no lucidity. Find your purpose, your Love, and live in the dream. Cast your spells. Because here magic is real. Without reason you return to being a mindless plus one… A background character that’s not any fun… Checking for updates and emails and pings. Listening to news about tragedies and things that might be Give all that up and come back to yourself Remember who you were before you knew there was a hell Before someone bad could catch you and beat you Before your actions broke infinity around you I have to say in the end I know nothing… Just sharing a feeling… Hope if you take it it serves you well 29 I Seeking personal and inner liberation, A quest for truth, a sacred sensation, Why, oh why, do so few attain, The realms of self, free from the chain? In this gritty chronicle, I shall convey, How to break the bonds that lead astray, First, define your freedom, make it your creed, A unique path, not everyone’s need. II Some yearn for wealth, others for art, Or spiritual connection, a lifeline to start, To discover your path, the key to your cell, Unearth your desires, let them cast their spell. Fear, that wicked specter, does confound, It’s the demon that keeps us bound, Fear of the unknown, fear to be free, But to taste true liberty, challenge it, see? III Risks are the gambles that fortunes unveil, Embrace the failures, let your courage set sail, Change is a friend, not a foe to resent, In its winding course, our growth is lent. Next, let your deeds sing in harmony, With values you hold, your inner symphony, It’s not just the options, but the choices you make, In your heart’s alignment, your freedom will wake. IV It’s not merely about doing as you please, But pursuing your essence with sure expertise, Act with honesty, let authenticity thrive, In your truth, your personal freedom shall arrive. Embrace your passion, honor your word, In the web of life, let your impact be heard, Respect others’ rights, in your journey unfurl, For true freedom respects, in its dance and twirl. 30 V This pursuit is not facile, my friend, it’s true, It demands your spirit, unwavering and true, Self-knowledge, acceptance, and love in your sight, Change from within, and your world will ignite. And if ever you stumble, falter, or fall, Don’t despair, don’t you linger, don’t you crawl, For freedom’s a journey, it’s yours to reap, To begin again, just return to the peak. Restart from the top, let your spirit ignite, With each new dawn, embrace the light, In this cycle of growth, in the dance of the free, From the depths of your soul, you’ll eternally see. 31 IX Hire Me I am coming out of retirement I can be a teacher for you Or a coach A quick-money researcher An investor - A recruiter - A networker Your personal career guru Fuck it… I can offer you a job… I need something figured out And you’re competent to get it done The hours will be long… actually they don’t stop And there’s no vacation for this position The salary and benefits are pretty fixed Anyways I need you to start immediately The job requirements look like this… You need to be able to write, brainstorm and be creative To define the work of your dreams and the sacrifices you’re willing to make To design a space A workspace that inspires you has access to all the tools you need And manage time… To be there enough to accomplish your missions, and leave a legacy I need you to know people… What you like about them and the skills you can use To support you with the things you’d rather avoid doing yourself I need you to learn what people are worth And what you are worth So you can benefit from the agreements This job is to design your work Welcome to day 1. 32 X LA PUNTA LEAVE THIS so peaceful, the waves crash, the wind blows locals speak indistinctly in the lighted part of the palapa bar in a language I don’t fully understand I’m waiting for something magical to happen, a transformation to a life more magnificent then I’ve imagined so far There seems to always be the question of needs, in terms of finances am i stuck? TODO Replace image 33 XI Ferari, my dear poetic admirer, Your message filled with rhymes and charm, Has left me with a warm and pleasant disarm. Jiu jitsu over karate, you inquire, It’s a choice that sets my heart on fire. Your words bring back that September night, Las Cazuelas, under the Mexican moonlight, I remember blocking the menu, oh so tall, And as for shampoo, I recommend none at all. Matching on date apps made me smile, Your blush, your crush, it’s been worthwhile. Our common interests, they do align, From biking to cooking, it’s a wonderful sign. Friends or more, let’s take it slow, As the ocean waves ebb and flow. Puerto boi, I like the sound of that, Let’s explore, and see where we’re at. Texting sounds like a plan, Getting to know you, I’m already a fan. By the ocean, let’s take a stroll, Let’s see where this connection will unroll. Your wishes for a wonderful week I’ll keep, And Rumi’s words, they’re truly deep. You are what you seek, so they say, Let’s seek together, come what may. Looking forward to our journey ahead, With a smile on my face, and nothing to dread. Feel free to text whenever you please, Let’s build something special, with grace and ease. 34 Mom’s Day